Thankful...

Warning... this blog post is not my usual daily update. It is very emotional but it is what's in my heart today and I want to remember what this feels like so that I never take my days for granted again.

Tonight my heart is heavy.

I read a lot of blogs, I must admit. Truthfully, a lot more would get accomplished around here if I didn't. I love looking into a window of someone else's life and seeing how they live and what they are all about. Some are just funny and sweet and others are heartbreaking. Way too many are asking for prayers for their children. And now as I Mom, I have to also admit, that I can't stand reading one more blog about a sick or dying child. My heart can't take it. But that doesn't always stop me. There are some that just tug at my heart strings in a way that I cannot forget. That's the case with this little girl. Kate McRae.

I came across this blog through a link on a blog I read daily and they were asking for prayers. Prayers for a 5 year old little girl who was taken to the Dr. for hand tremors only to find she had a very aggressive brain tumor and had to undergo brain surgery days later. I opened the link to find a picture of that little girl with the biggest green eyes I have ever seen. She looked like me as kid, only blonder. I was hooked. For over a year I have been following her blog. Always heartbroken at the pain and suffering she was enduring and equally as overjoyed when she seemed to have beaten the cancer. Today, the cancer seems to be back and from what I understand, the odds are against her. A 7 year old child. Should. Not. Have. To. Endure. This. No child should!

I cannot stop crying. Crying because the thought of this happening to one of my children is more than I can bare to imagine and crying because, right at this moment, I felt what it is to REALLY KNOW that our days are not promised and that our lives can change in a split second. I cannot express how much the meaning of those words changed when I became a Mother. I now feel more love than I ever thought possible and more fear than I could ever express. And now mine and any Mother's worst fear, is the reality of this child's Mother. A child that at any point, could have been one of our own.

I am GRATEFUL tonight that it is not my child who has cancer but I will not lose sight that tomorrow, our lives could change. I am GRATEFUL that tonight, I get to hold my children in my arms but I hurt for the many Mother's who can't do the same. I am GRATEFUL that my children are healthy and safe and pray for the many who cannot say the same. I am GRATEFUL for my Husband, who loves me just the way that I am, even when I don't always deserve it and I am GRATEFUL for the wonderful life and family I have been given, especially, when I realize that other's lives are falling part.

All I can do is for this child and her family is pray. Pray that her journey with cancer is short and painless and pray that her family gets to watch her grow. Pray that we and every other family are spared from that kind of pain. Will you please say a prayer for them as well? And hold your loved ones, especially little ones, a lot tighter tonight and every night. Tomorrow is never a given...

And I will take any chance I get to hold on to these little ones. Especially when they start blowing bubbles with their saliva like Ella did tonight. Who would have thought that a tiny saliva bubble would make my heart want to burst??

It's ok baby, I know exactly how you feel...